Have you ever felt that life gets so complicated, you can't really wait for something new to come along? I feel that way sometimes. It seems that if it is not one thing, it is another...

We moved into this house. Initially, it was exciting. No more apartment, our own backyard, and the best part is no rent! Just a house payment, and it is actually going towards something other then padding the pockets of the landlord. But, I sometimes find myself yearning for the familiar. The trek down the side walk, up the stairs, and the struggle with the key. I miss being able to call some one who will fix our ailments of the apartment with out charging me... But I digress. I am a homeowner now.

Last week we found out the guys who sold this house to us did not disclose the fact that they sold 1100 square feet of the lot to the city for road widening. We were sold property that was not even theirs to sell. So we are going to sue the crap out of the owners, realtor, survey company, and title company. More on that as the situation unfolds...

I guess I am just frustrated in general with life. I get out of the Navy in about 5 months, and I have no idea what I am going to do with my life. I have been doing the sailor thing since I was 17. Although it was only 5 years ago, I felt like it has been my whole life. The Navy has changed me and provided me something that I would have never found on my own. I met my husband, had my kids, and everything that I have now would not be what it is if I had not raised my right hand and pledged my life for this country.

I don't think I joined for the sense of patriotism. I joined to get the fuck out of California. What a toilet I was in there. I was living with my mother, sister, and brother, and things 't were just not right. My mother is sick. I don't mean like flu sick, or cancer sick, but "crazy bitch sick". The ink was still wet on my parents' divorce papers, and my dad got remarried, I got committed to a mental hospital for attempted suicide, and my dad didn't want me around because he figured I would be a burden when they had their new baby, K-Bug. I lived with my mother, and at first it was great, then she started doing the shit again that made me want to live with my dad in the first place.

I wouldn't go as far as saying that my mother was abusive, or neglectful even. She was and still is just a twisted bitch. I could write for days about all the things she did to me as a kid, but I don't feel like it. And sometimes, when I talk to Husband about the things that I have go through, some times a memory will surface that may not have effected me then, but it cuts me raw now. I will think back and say to myself, "How dare she?"

This isn't a thing that I have against my mother just because it is what mothers and daughters are supposed to do. She is really sick, having borderline personality disorder. I would almost like to pity the woman, but it is so much more convenient to chalk it up to her just being batshit crazy. She is not insane. She knows what she is doing, but I feel what she does seems natural order to her, and maybe the source comes from deep within her subconscious.

None the less, it still hurts.

I guess I have other frustrations in life. The dog I mentioned previously, Lucy, died of Parvovirus a week after we got her. We got a new puppy, who has been doing great, but for some reason, has shit and pissed on my carpet three times tonight. Before it was all on the pads we laid down for him in the kitchen. I want him to be an inside dog, because boxers are attention whores and need to be inside with their humans, constantly needing to be reminded that they are loved. I guess Ody and me are more alike then I would like to admit; however, I don't crap on the carpet when the occasion calls.

Girl Two also turns 1 next week, and although I am amazed how quick she is and smart she has gotten, it depresses me slightly. I just had her! How dare she grows up and starts walking... But I am so proud of her. She is getting there every day. Girl One will be 2.5 next month, and she is so wonderful as a whole, but this attitude and inability to listen to her mommy and daddy is getting so old. I need to potty train the girl and get her off the sippy cups like, yesturday.

Husband is a dick.

I guess I am just getting older and maturing more, and the reality of life is slowly coming to a head for me. I have never at anytime felt that life is a drift, and being naiive doesn't work for me. Maybe this is a part of growing up? I don't know.

I guess this is just life.